today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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