So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
