Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
