this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
