Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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