Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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