My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
