Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
