If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
