Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Michael Bay diarrhea
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
