Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
