im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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