toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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