so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
