Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
