I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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