there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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