I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
