it was like his penis was on wheels.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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