I CAN MOONWALK!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
