i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
