me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
