she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
