I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
