i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
