that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
