All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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