My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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