the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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