On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
