Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
