oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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