All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
