Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
