I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
