I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sext me about skeletons
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
