I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
