Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

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(786): View more from Florida

Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?

Fav 9 1117 3831
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(303): View more from Colorado

Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.

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(618): View more from Illinois

My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.

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