I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
