Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
