Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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