Pappa wants mamma naked
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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