the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
