these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
