If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
