we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
