I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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