great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
