She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
