Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
